A refreshed look at leadership from the desk of CEO and chief content officer Stephanie Mehta, This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google. How to deal with co-worker that is more managerial than engineer and somewhat bully? Though youre taking issue with people, presumably other commenters, creating a black and white scenario and Id like to point out that insinuating that people again, presumably other commenters always see situations as black and white just because they dont see this situation as black and white is pretty offensive I think that youre doing the same thing by drawing a line in which the only hate speech thats worth judging harshly is the most obvious hate speech. Her response was favorited and retweeted many times. There is a lot at issue here, but mainly I was bothered by the suggestion that using the wrong pronoun to refer to trans people constitutes a form of hate speech. What does force others to go along with their views even mean here? Side note, the operations manager was a major factor that helped push me to get a local job. Assume whenever anyone says anything it's about you and it's bad. Calling someone a freak isnt always wrong, but calling someone a freak for being transgender is. Does it affect you? When I ran a 24/7 team, our weekly team meeting rotated through three different times. I was quite enthusiastic about the roleduring the interview as I understood it to be something different. Note that when you are WFH, coworkers can easily reach you through your landline(opt), cell or email (and then be super responsive to those). If the front office person at a conservative law firm started greeting every male customer who walked in the door with Hows it hangin? or Get any lately? I doubt the free-speech-grow-a-thick-skin crowd would be coming out of the woodwork here. And if theyre basing their opinions on incorrect facts, then how valid are those opinions? You'll see what I mean. But it will remove that kind of speech from the workplace, which is the goal. It was only two hours later for trainers, once a month. When I was HR in a 3 shift manufacturing plant, we held one appreciation event per shift, and it was held during work hours. http://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/jun/17/goldman-sachs-interns-work-hours. They did have a generous point system though, to make up for it. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? It gets said over and over, but freedom of speech has to do with what will have the police showing up at your door, not what will get you disciplined at work. You dont have to AGREE, but if you continued to refer to me as a different gender and not by my name, yeah Id say that was hate speech. Or even worse, you heard a few coworkers commenting on your physical appearance, making going to work an incredibly uncomfortable experience for you. Nor had I, and my editors brain keeps reading it espy. So, its an award for something that was glimpsed? This opinion-giver called a person a freak, which implies they think all trans* people are freaks. It is a blow to my ego, but it also makes me feel cheated. Ive worked at a 24 hour place. I want to comment on a lot that you said, but Ill stick to this: You do not have freedom of speech at work. Bottom line: by pursuing this line of drivel every time one of these issues comes up, you contribute to the toxicity and bigotry in our culture. While I cant say what the protocol for your company would be, the most likely outcome is a reinforcement with this employee of the companys harassment policy rather than a firing, and it helps the company document this issue in case there are subsequent problems. I cant tell you how many times Ive found myself in an uncomfortable position where coworkers who overall have more political power and experience making comments that are more coded than outright hateful. I also think that the first comment to the article is absolutely on target. Your being transgender is a different thing than Jenner. Making bigoted comments can create a hostile workplace in the legal sense, whether or not the comments are directed at you. Isnt Prince his legal first name? Hate language does target an employee. If they dont ask questions or raise the issue at all, they arent really going to learn about the process. Trans people have almost no protections under the law and no affordable access to the medical care they need; an alarming amount attempt or succeed at committing suicide, if they arent killed in a hate crime first. Is it both? No. It doesnt matter that your opinion is that these balloon-shaped people are red or blue and not purple your right to express a damaging opinion does not trump their right to not be subjected to prejudice. Is there a difference? OP, I hope you can press this issue. I mean, I think think of a giant list of reasons working from home wouldnt be a reasonable accommodation, so I dont think it would be very few: If youre a receptionist. Just because I dont see something as black and white and others do doesnt make my view invalid. Keep in mind, she only gets her separate tasks done because she gets to sit in a certain spot as to not interact with patients, meaning she gets the opportunity to focus on only one thing while Im juggling what feels like 100 tasks. It seems like every single time one of these discussions comes up, you feel the need to play devils advocate and try and rationalize the whole thing. Theres something about OP1s statement that makes me deeply uncomfortable, I cant quite put my finger on it. Others have encouraged me to speak to the person directly instead. Simply referring to Jenner as Bruce should NOT be hate speech.. I dont see the point in trying to keep score here other than some sort of resentment over trans* issues being at the forefront of the current discussion. Like having an anvil fall on your head or something. No Im saying that asking if what you either know or think you heard is what was said can be a good way to broach the issue of whats appropriate in the moment. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Some European equality laws mandate taking action over these things. Regardless of and prior to her transition, Caitlyn connected herself with a reality TV family that exhibits some pretty atrocious behavior. with all of the above said, if someone really wants to be called a different pronoun than their biological sex, okay, i can do that. Be the better place to work, and do a good job of illustrating that--which gets into culture, benefits, and who else you have working for you. I just learned about misophonia last week and this is the fourth or fifth time someone has brought up since then!! Even with me working really hard and constantly doing it there is still a little bit left over at the end of the day. In other words, encourage the kind of habits you want to see in the company. I recently sent my resume off to be critiqued by someone whos been working in the industry for a while. if someone tries to force their definition on you, regardless of what definition that is, try to forgive the person. Thisthe HR thing bothers me more than the ignorant coworker. Work through your feelings about the situation first before addressing the issue to ensure that you approach the decision in the most productive way possible. What is the best way to handle this situation? Training is definitely work and this has been reinforced by the courts. And one thing i noticed, it creates tension between employees as they are watching me. Treating someones gender as a joke and not apologizing for it is not showing empathy. Nobody throws their kid out on the street for wanting to go to law school. In private, mention the reason you were trying to change the conversation. I Overheard My Coworkers Talking About Me Posted by: Rosalinda | April 11, 2017 at 5:27 am Comments are closed When you've got something confidential to say, find a private setting. I suggested that broaching with a question is a good option, because I find that a direct thats not cool puts everyone on the defensive whereas a question causes most people to reflect (those who still bristle are often darn well aware that they said something inappropriate). ", 2. by Alison Green on September 5, 2017. . He did not support what they have done, but he said we all have a right of opinion and speech. You make a mental note and if you accidentally call him Richard next time, you apologize. I unfriended someone on FB over this and he messaged me and continued to argue and STILL used male pronouns and STILL did not understand the issue. maybe hes an adult victim of childhood sexual abuse. She didnt have anything to do with the new org chart. So all three supervisors are total gossips about each other as well. Its your blog, you do what you like. Is there space for some sort of folding screen in your office, so you could create a visual barrier as well as an aural barrier (headphones)? Large, international companies may also have other considerations beyond state laws (there are lots of cross-jurisdiction statutes, and they often choose to use the rules of the most conservative states for setting a higher baseline, etc. *every* opinion, no matter how innocuous, is offensive to someone. #1 made me remember something that happened years ago. The only rule, and its been awhile so I am not sure how it was mandated, was that we had 8 hours off in between shifts. I joined what was realistically a one-person department, because that person wasnt great at several aspects of the job. It can also be doubling intimidating to do so in the workplace. Im sorry that you felt attacked in your own situation relating to Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn Jenner. Shewas unable to give notice because she no longer had any vacation days or sick days left and wastoo unwell tocontinue to work. So Im not really following the choose to be offended argument in this context. We have no way of knowing whether or not a transgendered person may have overheard these horrible comments. and "glad you're doing well--too swamped to write much!" Yes, you did and I dont agree with them or think that youre drawing parallel comparisons. He was the director of a small government utility for 30+ years. it is inherently subjective, and therefore there is no right or wrong definition of it. maybe he is going through a divorce and about to lose both his family and his home. There is no context in which well hello pretty lady is ok coming from anyone but my partner. (for reference, PBS did a map of gender-diverse cultures here: Second in command, with a succession plan for the OP to move up if/when the current manager leaves. Im not sure why youre ignoring that. You need to say something to management and to get an accommodation. (All more than 15 years ago, and not using the word thug, but the n word.). It probably wont cause a change in the employees thinking. It is sometimes uncomfortable to approach people directly about these kind of things, but I find that it is the most effective way of dealing with it. I highly doubt this is true in all of them. I couldnt understand if people thought that reporting something automatically led to discipline or what. Were talking about the workplace. Are we wrong, or is this just crappy? In general hearing. :P. There are no legal consequences, but if someone says that at a normal workplace, they could expect a firm talking to from HR and/or their manager, and possibly a warning not to do it again. Failure to correct false information. IMO it can be hate speech if its meant to be hate speech. After a while you no longer care. And the folks on Sister Wives are part of a religion thats not affiliated with the LDS church. You dont want to end up starting another piece of gossip about the other person, too. I always take celebrity LGBTQA matters with a grain of salt because their celebrity status puts them on a different level than normal, non-famous and non-rich LGBTQA individuals. I could see it for a very short period of time during a transition, but not beyond that not unless theyve cleared divided up responsibilities in a transparent way that everyone is aligned on and people arent truly reporting to both of them. bearing in mind that what youre talking about is biological sex, not gender. agreed, none of these things are okay, but all of the examples youve chosen demonstrate the not-okayness of disrespect when it is aimed at a member of a legally protected class. Like if each decade were an equals sign, it would look like this: God =======================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================someone finally writes down what God said. This usually is based on context, frequency, and severity. ;). On paper it doesnt, but in reality the people making the laws and rules are people that live in this world and in this society. Very different things. attaching a value judgment to a matter of subjective opinion leaves no real room for diversity or respect for the differences among individuals there. Because Rebecca has the opportunity to engage her horrible Facebook acquaintance, and maybe, just maybe, make her less horrible. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Thats the difference between saying I disagree with her transition and instead labelling that person a derogatory term. Whether a single comment is enough for that, I dont know. That doesnt mean that if we worked together I would think its ok for him to say at work. Reporting shouldnt be a big deal. I have been watching a co-director situation go up in flames for a while now. Stories that matter to you. So yeah, the trans* issue holds more gravity to me. This pisses me off so much that Im seeing redI cant really be trusted to comment and not start getting really rude in response. OP #5, can you suggest that the awards be held multiple times, once for each shift? Or just generally not a good cultural fit. In the past people have been let go for less. Anti-gay, racist (including using the n-word), I was so shocked! I have found that repeating not in the workplace to others (and, occasionally, myself) helps to refocus. Cookie Notice Your management team probably helped to diminish your authority before you arrived and, now that your co-manager had the unfortunate incident with her pregnancy, they may be second-guessing your role with the company. How would the powers that be respond to the question, So, if participation at this event is mandatory, with consequences for not showing, will it be paid? Maybe they get the hint? I just checked again to make sure I did not miss anything and confirmed that Warren, to whose statement I was replying, did not call anyone a freak. How else do you interpret that comment, honestly? But there are some good ones too, and even mediocre ones wont hold asking against you. That changes my comment though it is food for thought for others in similar situations. My apologies. I say this in all seriousness, in my last job I couldnt use headphones for more than an hour or two at a time. Have a good weekend! This is not the same thing as someone saying something outside the bounds of socially accepted thinking but professionally inoccuous like I believe in UFOs., if a member of a protected class finds UFOs offensive, dont presume that opinion cant get you fired. All of our employees hated me because I expected them to do things like show up for work on time and actually work while they were there; my co-lead laughed off absences and encouraged people to goof off on company time. Yes, actually. When I started the job, I knew that the office situation would be rough. Who also thinks blackface Halloween costumes are cool, whats the big deal man? If someone at my work repeatedly made comments about how Robin Williams was weak for suffering from depression (for example), theyre talking about him, not me, but Im still going to be bothered by what theyre saying as a person who suffers from depression. Use such opportunities to share employee achievements and breakthroughs, but on a light note. I think the word investigation also worries people. I never wanted this to become a big thing, but I heard them saying "I haven't seen -my name- recently, you can tell me" and I didn't hear the rest but obviously it was more gossiping. Other people in the same group of friends/acquaintances have said to me that theyre glad I did it they want to unfriend him too but are worried that hell confront them about it! I would have blown up at your coworker, too standing behind you for a long time without saying anything is beyond creepy! Do you think working from home or asking to explore other options is ok given that Ive been with the organization for less than a year? The first amendment free speech protections the ones guaranteed by law only apply to what the government can and cant do. Obviously no one wants to talk about what if someone miscarries or cant get pregnant, but there should have ben contingency plans in the situation before you are hired. but you are really saying to them "You better watch it. the very fact a person belongs to a persecuted group means they will tend to project every persecution they have ever experienced in their lives onto anyone who disagrees with them. Gender identity is not protected from workplace discrimination on a federal level. For LW#3, separate from the problem of either being mislead or misunderstanding, does anyone else think the idea of the department co-leads sounds terrible and confusing for everyone? Its like theyre disappointed to discover youre one of the enemy.. Especially since there are two Margaret/Peggys in my family, including my great-great-grandmother (95 and still sharp as a tack!). The role is in a department I have never worked before so I know I ask more questions than most and I'm not as speedy as I could be. At no point did I say the coworker should have said what she did with impunity. :) What shes taking exception to is the idea that only members of the military can be described as brave, which is a meme that drives me up a wall. First, understand how the gossip started. Period. Whether or not its appropriate for it to be said at work is a completely different thing. It also makes it awkward for me to communicate the way I need to with other department heads at times. That falls under that umbrella. HR then talks to the person who made the comments to find out what she said and the context. How To Handle Workplace Gossip and Reduce Negativity agreed 100%, but i would add one more point: its just as offensive when black men refer to themselves as thugs, as if that were a label to be proud of. HR people are subject to the same rules as everyone else and if this HR person did not stop this conversation in a way similar to how Alison recommended, that needs to be addressed as well. I hope youll update us on the outcome. Trans-excluding feminists, especially trans-excluding radical feminists, do NOT speak for feminists as a whole. Maybe it isnt hate speech, but it is incredibly rude and disrespectful. It worked so well, in fact, that all future projects from that point on would have two people in charge rather than one though by then it had morphed so that the co-lead who dealt with the technical stuff really should have more accurately been called an assistant lead. The oppression Olympics are a game everyone loses. I like this one. Sometimes I put them in and dont turn music on (music also distracts me), they just block out sound better than the drug store ear plugs I got. I am talking about this particular case. Kelly, I saw the article debunking the myth. I overheard all of my coworkers talking about me behind my - Reddit Why? You shouldnt punch down. Thats the legal definition, not your companys own definition (theyre just sticking to the law). While you may find it offensive, Im not sure anyone can do anything at this point. TL;DR: there is a difference between saying you dont agree with Caitylns decision to transition vs. calling her Bruce. the larger social context? then, during the work day, you get to try once more to appear at least marginally intelligent while half asleep, as getting two 3 hour naps with 2 hours of awake time in the middle isnt remotely restful. All rights reserved. rev2023.7.13.43531. They tried a 4 pm training one month, and out if 12 overnight staff, 10 came to that training. Sadly Im sure the HR person they were talking to wasnt even phased by the comments. Its going to take more than 1 or 2 tries to get this right for most people. Do what works for you]. The existence of a potential grey area doesnt mean we should give a pass to the cases that are black and white. My comment was two sentences long. To color this another way, as a boss, I would absolutely want someone to tell me this had occurred, provided it was in the workplace and within general hearing. Co-lead leaves even if shes not pregnant. I am confused by the advice to report this. 3 Next Had a very crazy shift the other night. Sorry. Would you also recommend they directly approach the person? The fact that Im an introvert, a highly sensitive person and dealing with a chronic medical condition doesnt help. Before doing something as serious as reporting, id collect evidence and talk to the person. Thank you for your suggestions. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. They didn't know that I was listening in the back while I was on my break. This is how I ended up in the position. that sounds a lot more like majority rule than objective truth.
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