examples of dealing with difficult coworkers

In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. A 2018 study on workplace behaviors reported that [e]ven the actions of a single toxic person can have ripple effects, creating more widespread discontent and conflict. Eventually, the tension will boil over, and it might cause you to act unprofessionally or in a way you didnt mean. We begin to worry if were good enough to be here, if people like us, if were going to lose our job, Dr. Childs says. Transform your business, starting with your sales leaders. Journaling is a great way to put your thoughts into words and channel your negative emotions elsewhere. Now I know to watch out for affinity bias, an unconscious tendency to align with people who are similar to us in appearance, beliefs, and background. Interpersonal conflicts are common in the workplace, and its easy to get caught up in them. 1. Solution: First of all, be kind and respectful. Looking for a new job isnt always a realistic immediate option, Dr. Childs says, but if you learn to prioritize yourself, youll start to get some clarity on what to do about your job.. Gossips love drama, yet their rumor-mongering can be damaging to the organization. If you do have to get other people in, do some preparation. Analyze what norms and rules in your workplace have contributed to the behavior of your co-worker. Determine whether interacting with the coworker at that time is a priority It works well to try and identify whether dealing with your colleague is a priority. One common derailer of colleagues relationships is fundamental attribution erroran inclination to assume that other peoples behavior has more to do with their personality than with the situation, while believing the opposite of oneself. Play devils advocate and question your own interpretation of the situation. Refer to your goals before interacting with your colleague to keep your eyes on the prize. For example, if youre arguing with your insecure boss about which metrics to report to the senior leadership team, your goals might be to: (1) come up with stats that you can both live with, (2) make sure the senior team knows about your expertise, and (3) find a way to avoid heated disagreements before big meetings in the future. It must be the spellcheckers fault. To avoid conflict and avoid potentially losing a relationship, I try to understand their emotions and perspectives, which is, again, demonstrating empathy. You. If you dont find healthy ways to cope, you may begin feeling isolated and depressed. People everywhere are feeling grief, even if they haven't lost a loved one. You may even ask for their help solving a challenging work issue. For example, suppose you were working on a project together, and the duration of the collaboration was almost over. The difference is that while you might be able to snub someone at the supermarket, doing so at work could have an impact on your career. Frustrated outbursts and angry behavior will only harm your career and contribute to a toxic workplace. Let them know that this is not a comfortable space for you and not a topic you want to indulge in, Dr. Childs suggests. Avoiding these common tactics will prevent you from making things worse. If that doesnt work, be direct. Grab our FREE work-life planner Cleveland Clinic 1995-2023. Its always a good idea to have a different opinion regarding workplace disputes, so you dont jeopardize your reputation in trying to resolve them. Feeling attacked, employees often lash out in response, on email or in person. Even if youre upset, you should let the other person talk and listen closely to what they say. Transform your enterprise with the scalable mindsets, skills, & behavior change that drive performance. Innovative research featured in peer-reviewed journals, press, and more. These people like to steamroll over other peoples ideas. What are your goals? Theyre often slow, working up to the deadline when they could easily finish right away. Theres always a chance that theyre clueless about how their actions are impacting others. Rather than work to change your colleague, try to make progress on that third thing. For many employees, its a serious enough issue that it causes a problematic work environment that prompts the search for a new job. For example, suppose you were working on a project together, and the duration of the collaboration was almost over. Build leaders that accelerate team performance and engagement. In every office environment, theres always at least one difficult coworker. If these methods still fail, you can consider taking it further and speaking to your boss about the situation. Positive people build positive companies, she notes. Solution: The only way to deal with a negative Nancy is to avoid them at all costs. For a long time Andre saw the two of them as opponents. Thank you for your help!. Not only is managing your feelings a necessary life skill, but it will also help you when it comes time to deal with this toxic person verbally. What if Im wrong? How To Deal With A Difficult Coworker (With Examples) - Zippia You may begin by saying, I respect you and want to discuss something thats been bothering me. By having a one-on-one conversation, youre giving this difficult co-worker room to express themselves. As you tell your story, be sure to focus on how you prioritized the company or client's best interests before your own during the experience. Is it possible Im not seeing the situation clearly because Im making assumptions about this person, or unwilling to rethink my initial impression, or unconsciously focusing on our differences? Ah, the office gossiper: the person who plays office politics well, spreads rumours and knows all the latest dirt about each and every person in the office. She has a keen strategic mind. Learn to voice your thoughts. Research has shown that people who vividly describe or picture their goals are 1.2 to 1.4 times as likely to achieve them, and that objectives recorded by hand are more likely to be realized. 10 Difficult Workplace Personalities and How to Deal with Them Many of us spend countless hours at work, and for the majority of full-time workers, more time may be spent at work than in any other context outside of one's home. We spend so much time at our jobs, this is a common question. Studies have also shown that gossip can be beneficial in deterring people from behaving selfishly. A related cognitive shortcut that creates problems is confirmation bias, or the tendency to interpret events or evidence as proving the truth of existing beliefs. Will you always be able to avoid these flawed responses? The never sent out that report to the boss? When you actually confront this difficult person, it should be in a one-on-one conversation. If you call them out, for example, youll not only need concrete evidence to prove your point, but youll also end up branding yourself as a snitch effectively making you the most unpopular person in the office. When Im dealing with someone who pushes my buttons, I often fantasize about sending an email to everyone who knows them, outing them as a jerk. I vowed to stop caring so much about how she acted and to treat her with kindness. This will help you when it comes time to confront your colleague since you can guess what theyre going to say to you. Say, This is not something that I want to do, and remove yourself from the situation., Work should be left at work, even if were working from home, Dr. Childs says. There's nothing more infuriating than someone taking credit for your work. That way, you can move past it together. Or worse, it violates your values. Remind them that nothing will change unless someone takes action. hbspt.cta._relativeUrls=true;hbspt.cta.load(9253440, '05d3a1ec-acc5-4bff-9847-d33dd047e446', {"useNewLoader":"true","region":"na1"}); 3100 E 5th Street, Suite 350 Austin, TX 78702, English | Get some advice. According to a survey by Olivet Nazarene University, the number one source of tension in the workplace is interpersonal relationships. Even if other people know that youre having this conversation, you dont need to involve them in the first discussion. What Is A Difficult Employee? Other than that, sit back and watch them crumble when they cant take credit for anyones work anymore. Claim your FREE copy: Dealing with Difficult People Discover how to collaborate, negotiate, and bargain with even the most combative opponents with, Dealing with Difficult People, a FREE report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. In between managing our content strategy and orchestrating our digital marketing efforts, she takes the time to share her expertise in a variety of insightful and thought-provoking articles about rsum writing, HR, recruitment, social media, job search strategies and more. Best practices, research, and tools to fuel individual and business growth. Is there one teammate who always seems to have the latest scoop on everybody? Its not realistic to expect your boss, teammates, or reports to see eye to eye with you all the time. Instead, adopt a curious mindset and maintain hope that your troubled relationship can be improved. The workplace is no exception. They are generally controlling, poor listeners and their overall attitude can be summed up as my way or the highway.. Discover how BetterUp measurably impacts key business outcomes for organizations like yours. We teach people how to treat us, Dr. Childs says. Interview Question: "How Do You Handle Conflict With Coworkers?" - Indeed Remind yourself that they are responsible for the things they do, and focus instead on your own performance and behaviors. Stay away from difficult coworkers if you don't have to work with them directly. Here are five of the most trying types of work personalities and how to handle them: There is at least one in every officethe slacker who has a knack for doing the bare minimum of actual work while you can hardly keep your head above water. You can bring your friends or other people into your dilemma either before or after you confront this problematic person, but getting a third opinion is always a good idea. You'll have to use a method called feedback. Its important to recognize and resist this gut reaction. In other words, sucking it up doesnt usually decrease your stress level. Do you want to get a project over the finish line? But more often than not those lofty intentions flew out the window. 1. Finally, ask someone you trustand who will tell you the truthto help you reflect on the ways in which you might be seeing the situation unfairly. Theyre the star employee and, boy, do they know it? Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers - Harvard Business Review The risk that youll take your negative feelings out on innocent bystanders isnt the only reason to avoid this tactic. Knowing how to cheer someone up can be a great way to support your friends, family, and even coworkers. Create a space that allows you to set physical boundaries, which in turn, protects your mental and emotional space, as well, Dr. Childs says. Theyll tell you that a close family member is sick, theyre suffering from a terrible headache, they have unreliable childcare or their arm/elbow/leg/back hurts anything to get out of work. Keep trying, tweaking, and refreshing experiments or abandoning ones that dont produce results. Its also a good idea to reflect on your self-awareness and how you manage your emotions. You can also work on coping mechanisms such as deep breathing. How do I make friends at work? The longer that you allow a difficult coworker to continue with their behavior the harder it will be confront them and address it. Many of us bank on outlasting our difficult colleagues and focus on making the situation workable until they get fired or move on to another job. Its fine to set your sights low. Set your boundaries. If difficult colleagues realize that others are speaking badly of them and warning teammates about working with them, theyre more likely to change their ways. But often we decide were going to do nothing but actually end up doing a whole lot of things, whether its stewing about the situation, talking incessantly about it to our partner, or becoming passive-aggressive. Instant Download The Boss Hater We all know who I'm talking about: the one who keeps undermining the boss at every opportunity, disregarding their instructions and doing just whatever the hell they want. This applies to both conversations with your difficult colleague and with your friends who are advising you. Made by Pros. Anyone who remembers high school knows how this behavior can cause harm. The company newsletter is riddled with typos? The second is to convince them that your ideas are actually theirs this means youll likely lose credit for your work but will be able to work in a way that suits you. Feel less angry or frustrated after your interactions? One passive-aggressive remark can turn into full-blown hostility. Why is she acting like this? Your passive-aggressiveness is going to come through, even in remote work environments, she told me in an interview for my book. Simply put, they suck. Ill call her Elise. Do you find a situation familiar when somebody persistently trying to break your confidence by saying derogatory comments, shouting and constantly trying to prove you're wrong? Everyone makes mistakes or has a bad day. In this piece, the author outlines four tactics that are tempting to try but often backfire when dealing with a difficult colleague. The first intervention you can make when dealing with a difficult coworker is leading by example. 9 Types of Difficult Coworkers and How to Handle Them Determine whether interacting with the coworker at that time is a priority It works well to try and identify whether dealing with your colleague is a priority. You might also recognize the validity of your feelings by understanding how your colleague's behavior negatively impacts your team. How to Deal with Difficult Co-Workers: 51+ Proven Ways 7 Tricky Work Situations, and How to Respond to Them Plus, use these examples for how to say what is on your mind. But if you get a flat tire, you dont fix the problem by slashing the other three tires. Discusses the issue at hand somewhere neutral or a place with an activity . Another option is to encourage them to seek out a solution. Here are some tips and suggestions for writing an appropriate goodbye email to coworkers. 12 Difficult Coworkers and How to Deal with Them - CareerAddict And if youve dealt with one of these toxic colleagues in the past, tell us how you survived! By limiting your interactions, you'll also reduce the amount of frustration you feel when dealing with them. The latest insights and ideas for building a high-performing workplace. It raises it. Conflicts arise every day in the workplace, employers know this, and so they need to know that you'll be able to resolve them. But there are quite a few tactics that are less productive that we sometimes gravitate toward because we think theyll help us feel better, when in actuality, they often backfire. The key is to shift from drawing often unflattering conclusions to posing genuine questions. Research shows that when colleagues arent like usin terms of gender, race, ethnicity, education, physical abilities, or position at workwe are less comfortable around them and thus less likely to want to work with them. Try something else. Most importantly, toot your own hornin other words, publicly claim credit for everything you do. Similarly, dehumanizing a difficult coworker doesnt help. What buttons do they push? It could reflect poorly on you instead of the person whos mistreating you. In a contentious moment, she recommends that the C-suite move toward a . If someone is spreading particularly harmful lies, politely ask them to stop. The good news? Build resilience, well-being and agility to drive performance across your entire enterprise. DeltaQuest Media Limited. Learn how to handle crying at work and discover strategies to help you manage difficult emotions. One person is being difficult; the other isnt. 1. How will your work life improve? Instead, make sure that every step of the way, you remind yourself that youre dealing with a fellow human, not a robot or an arch villain. Essentially, just let them beat you stay focused on your work and dont let them think that youre competing with them in any kind of way. Maybe this person doesnt know their behavior is harming people. Would you say the same things or treat that person the same way? Salvador Minuchin, an Argentine therapist, wrote, Certainty is the enemy of change. When dealing with a negative coworker, its easy to think, Its always going to be this way or That person will never change. And retaliation often makes you look bad. But if this difficult co-worker is dramatically hurting your performance or the company overall, its time to step in. You can bring up these boundaries in the discussion and potentially have an office friend or boss make sure theyre enforced. Plenty of people warned me that she would be hard to work with, but I thought I could handle it. If its really serious and you always disagree, make sure the two of you dont have to work on a project together. Look for people who are constructive, have your best interests at heart, will challenge your perspective when they disagree, and can be discreet. Put-downs and gossip have no place in a workplace. Keep a record of your accomplishments and provide your manager with regular work in progress reports. Consider using the STAR method for telling the story. This frames everything as your interpretations of a situation instead of blaming the other person for anything, keeping the conversation from getting hostile. 1. In one study 94% of respondents said they had worked with a toxic person in the previous five years. Managing a defiant employee isn't easy. If youre not sure, consider looking at a set of universal values and see which resonate with you, listing them in order of importance. Unlock performance potential at scale with AI-powered curated growth journeys. I would then sit down with them in private to find an amicable way forward. I would find out what was important to them. Build your coping skills by starting a self-care routine that helps you stay in a healthy mental space. She explained that they had a very hierarchical culture and were having trouble getting people to speak up, especially with ideas that challenged the status quo. Overall, the best tip we can give you when dealing with workplace conflict is to stay calm. Solution: This is a case where its more productive to focus on yourself. Say something like: Your comments are really useful. They focus on the negative and look for problems instead of solutions. To avoid drama, remember to be kind and continue to engage in small talk. Stay Professional. We're on a mission to help everyone live with clarity, purpose, and passion. Whether theyre a chronic complainer or theyre offensively sarcastic, they can often be compared to a black cloud that simply dampens your mood. ), and you just dont know what to do at this point. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Card payments collected by DeltaQuest Media Limited, company no. Trapped in these negative dynamics, we find it hard to be our best selves or to improve the situation. If we refuse to be a part of something, we starve the fire.. They often exhibit certain tendencies of bad behavior that become toxic to others around them. If you overcome the conflict, what will be different? Dont indulge and dont commiserate with them, Dr. Childs advises. address: The Here they are, mean coworkers are healthy working environment busters and what is even worst they may destroy your personality. How To Deal With A Difficult Coworker (With Examples) By Amanda Covaleski Mar. He started to picture the conflict between them as a seesaw. Take Andre, who was struggling with his colleague Emilia. When you learn that Marina in marketing also finds Michael in finance difficult and knows of others who feel the same, it fosters a sense of connection. "These colleagues are so determined to score points with the boss that they block. Avoid fighting. Project into the future. When this does happen, simply say something like: Thats your personal opinion but Id prefer not to be involved in this kind of conversation, so can we please talk about something else?. Its essential to hold your ground and maintain your professionalism, but you cant do either of those without staying calm. Creating the time to talk again will keep you both accountable and thinking about how to improve your relationship. And remember: even small improvements can make a big difference. Theyre usually likeable and charming, and they know how to act the part. Eventually he decided to shift to less-antagonistic thinking. If you can keep your emotions and reactions in check, youll come out looking like a strong and well-mannered person. After taking on internships and entry-level jobs, she is familiar with the job search process and landing that crucial first job. Unfortunately gossiping can be damaging to the office as well as your career. Think back on whether youve been rude or if you mightve done something to instigate this situation. Regardless of what kind of job you have, chances are, you have to interact with a number of people with widely different personalities and sometimes, those personalities just dont mesh with yours. These types of coworkers dwell on problems and rarely offer solutions. So how can we return to our best selves? If you can nail down your personal boundaries before your conversation with your co-worker, it will make you stronger and ready to tackle the talk head-on. Though they sat on opposite ends, they could perhaps work together to find balance. As soon as whats being said becomes unprofessional, simply say something like, Im sorry to interrupt, but I really dont feel comfortable talking about co-workers in this way. Another tactic is to change the subject back to work-related topics. If you dont deal with the issue or the person causing the problem, its like leaving a pot on simmer. In a good week I could succeed. Are you currently dealing with a difficult coworker? Finally, consider exactly what you stand to gain from meeting the goals youve set out to achieve in a work relationship. No. But Ive found that with good-faith efforts and hard work, even some of the trickiest interpersonal conflicts can be resolved. You might be able to adjust their job responsibilities to leverage their strengths. Its important to have a conversation with your difficult coworker one-on-one and allows for better understanding since the person youre talking to wont feel ganged up on. 10 Tips for Dealing With Difficult People - LiveAbout Do some self-reflecting. Biases creep into all sorts of workplace interactions. It can even make you more unhappy with your job over time, even if you truly enjoy it. Some people are best in small doses. Make a list of your goals (big and small) and then circle the most important ones. How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers: Tips & Examples - BetterUp
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